I guess since this blog is about documenting our lives I would be missing something by not writing about the upcoming event in the Nason clan. However, I have actually not wanted to. I have consciously avoided this topic when I have sat down at this page. It is a lot. I think about writing about it and having it out there in the world. Then I think about how I can not fully express everything related to this event. Today I am going to try. It is worthy of the effort.
Phil, Sri, and Omar are moving to India.
As I write those words and then read them I feel all the emotion I have felt over the past months of processing the idea and then the reality but it is doubled, tripled, quadrupled as the days grow closer to their departure. Maybe by writing about this I will let go of my needs and be able to focus fully on the adventure that lies ahead for them and the joy that Sri must feel in bringing her family home. For now I am stuck in being the ones left behind.
When I met Steve and we started our journey together I remember the feeling so vividly of loving being around a family with all its stress, sadness at the time that still had so much laughter and love. That I could be in a nursing home with sons that were losing their mom, but still find my compassionate, gulliable brother-in-law taking the compression stockings off another patient and find relief in that comical moment. This was a family that I wanted to devote the rest of my life to and know that in the craziest, saddest times we would deal and cope and make each other better. Over the years we have shared more and experienced frustration with each other, but always I am confident that when we all gather together there will be stories, laughter and at the end they are part of my core.
The other day a friend was over sharing the exciting news that her sister-in-law was moving to town to live down the street and as I smiled and said all the right, truly heartfelt words I felt tears coming. It hurts. My family is away. In NY, California, North Carolina…I don’t know why we all like each other so much but here we are spread all over the country. Family. We feel confident to move on and away because we know that they will always be there.
I am going to miss them so much. I am going to miss them at weekend get-togethers, the holidays, the chance to see them and watch my nephew grow before my eyes. It saddens me to think that despite skype and other modern inventions we will not have the genuine moments that happen when you are all sitting together with time to be.
As I finish this I realize for all these reasons and more Sri must be so excited to be going home.