Now on to the crabby part. I really really really want to be crafty. I really really really want to make things for people. I really really really want to be artistic. I really really really want that. It does not want me. It just doesn’t. Today I spent an hour TRYING to iron a pattern to embroider onto a piece of fabric. I ironed it on too close to the edge of the fabric, I ironed it on wrong, I ironed it on and then burnt the fabric, I ironed it on and then somehow ironed it off?!?!?! I am not kidding. I couldn’t find the right size hoop. I got annoyed with all the different embroidery thread choices. Isn’t this supposed to be calming? Isn’t this supposed to be fun? I was close to tears by the end. So I don’t know. Maybe it is not my time for crafting and art. Maybe it will reveal itself to me at another time. I will finish this project somehow, but I will not like it. 🙂
8 years ago we bundled up a 2+month Ella in a one piece fleecy thing and a hat that someone knit to look like a strawberry-I wish I could remember who. I remember so clearly because her chubby face peering out from above the baby bjorn and below the hat was our Christmas card that year. I had just hosted my first Thanksgiving…with a newborn. Thank god the crew was forgiving. I don’t know if anything was edible. I was so tired. I do know the dining room table was over where our TV is now. So much has changed.
But the night 8 years ago when we bundled that little bean up…mustering whatever energy we had…we had to go to the North Berwick Tree Lighting Ceremony. Our little town with its little tree and a really small gathering of people. I was a little let down. Not going to lie. I have warmed slowly to this town. There was no instant love, no love at first sight, no gut feeling that this was going to be our home forever…I had none of that. In fact-I cried often our first month living in the RV on our land. I blame pregnancy hormones some, but also I doubted so much that this was a place I could love. I had told myself that I would let Steve have this time to build this barn into a house and then we would move on. We would be back in Portsmouth in no time.
8 years later-getting ready for our 8th Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony with two little munchkins in our home that continues to change just like the ceremony. Still a shrub, but more people and people that are friends. Some of those friends have become like family. After the ceremony we will gather and celebrate the beginning of this holiday season for the third year with people we love. I feel blessed.
Portsmouth will wait.
I am at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee watching Steve open
his our new TV and declare each piece of awesomeness he discovers as he does. The dog is chewing on his Dora ball. Ella is on the couch in the reading area. Molly is sorting her gummies and watching PBS on the couch in the TV area. Music is mellow and sweet (Counting Crows-Holiday in Spain). The chatter of everyone is happy and familiar. And there is sun spilling through different windows at different angles-more sun now that the leaves are all down from the trees.
I am thankful for right now.