Short Happy Thoughts

1. I got to go out with my amazing friend last night that is moving away. And I had so much fun. It was the perfect way to end our time of being only 30 minutes from each other. Silly, funny, sweet, weird, and lots of laughing.
2. I get to spend 10 days at one of my favorite places on earth with my family and share the place with one of my favorite families for 5 days.
3. I am pretty sure that I will never get tired of listening to Kings of Leon. I totally have a favorite band.

The rain is getting to my parenting skillz…

What do you think it means when your kids prefer a Project Runway marathon over any Disney Movie EXCEPT…High School Musical? We watched too many episodes today, but totally had a blast. Ella even asked me tonight if the judges would like her L.L Bean pajamas and went to point out the positive and negatives and things she could improve. At one point when I was making our tasty chicken nugget dinner to have in front of episode # 3 of Season 4 Molly came out to the kitchen with a pout and said “Carmen is gone.” I said I know honey we saw that in episode 2. Sadly…she said “but I didn’t realize that they don’t come back when they are out.” My friend, Jennica asked me if I told her…”that’s reality, honey.” NO but I wish I did.

P1020573 This is what I am looking at on the table that I am sitting at on the back deck. Not really sure where I have been. Not really sure what is happening for me, but despite a general happiness with my life, I have been missing. And as some things change for me…in and around me. As an amazing friend moves on, and I puzzle about what I doing with my professional career, and I grow a little weary of being a mom (gasp I know), and I look around the world and wonder where I am supposed to be, I think it has left me deep inside myself and not able to go very far out of there.

I feel things shifting as this becomes more uncomfortable. And part of me suspects that this “existential crisis” comes from being in one place for the longest ever…In a relationship with a man for the longest ever, a mom for the longest ever ( :)), in a job for the longest ever, living in the same place for the longest ever. A long time ago something should have changed. The man should have grown weary of me and my ways, I should have not have been able to handle the responsibility of two amazing, innocent, fantastic lives, I should have found a new, closer to home, better job, and I should be living somewhere new. Those things are not the rule, they are not the mandate, they are not what has to be. (The smart persons drinking game…. Thesaurus!)

So hopefully, I will shake off the dust that is collecting around me and move on to develop all the things that are here before me.