What I want to be when I grow up…

My day yesterday was truly a GREAT day. I think it started out so great because the night before I talked with my bud, my homie, my partner in guidance counseling adventures, Jen for TWO HOURS on the phone. I never talk for that long on the phone. I, really, abhor the phone and phone conversations. But I could of “talked all night, I could have talked all night…”. But anyway, back to my great day yesterday.

I started my day with my very first Clinical Supervision, which is like counseling for counselors about their work and clients. I started taking a course on the subject so that I can host an Intern in the fall. Within the first 2 hours-I had this epiphany that I, TOO, need a supervisor. One of the professors is retired from the University and I had always heard how wonderful she is and low and behold—she is truly wonderful. One of those people you want to absorb all the inspiring, smart, things they say and be around them a lot. After getting my principal to agree to pay for an hour once a month, I set up my first appointment for supervision.

On my drive there, I felt like I was going to talk for days and had no idea where I would even begin. But like all counseling you start where you are at and go from there. By the end, this fabulous woman said to me, “After 9 years of what you have gone through, I have no idea why you are still a guidance counselor”. Listening to myself, crying at points, getting mad at other points, shaking my head in disbelief at some the things coming out of my mouth, I know that it is amazing that I am still a guidance counselor. But do you know why this woman is good at what she does-before I left I could remember why and I left-walked out the door with more hope then I had ever had before about where I am going with this career.

See the thing is I AM good at this. And this is hard work to be good at-my successes come in bits and I don’t get paid the big bucks-I don’t even get paid mediocre bucks-I get paid shit. And you know that can piss me off because I work really hard. I sit with the kids that no one else wants to sit with and hear about their fears and hold on to those fears for them while they try to get through their day. I hear the sad, dirty details that shock us all, that make us shake our heads and say-“no one should have to go through that.” And at the end of the day, when I drive the girl 500 feet to the elementary school for after-care because she is scared to walk alone that distance-and she puts her head on my shoulder briefly-quickly before getting out of the car THAT is why I am a guidance counselor.

Maybe I will start something different some day-that will remain in the cards, but for now it’s all good. And I had a great day yesterday.


One thought on “What I want to be when I grow up…

  1. a-nugget says:

    I got a little teary at this. And you know me, I try to avoid teary at all costs and harass YOU for being so teary. But you got me teary. Maybe because I relate well to this, to being paid like shit to do something the world needs while it seems everyone else is making the big bucks doing crap that has no real life implications. Kudos and cheers to you for doing something that really and truly MATTERS.

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