Here I am on a Friday night, in my jambams, sitting in my “new” sewing area. I am trying to let go of my sewing frustrations. I finished a set of napkins and had moved over to finishing a blanket I am making. Very sure I was going to finish it tonight, except for the binding. My machine did not agree. It kept swearing at me and finally kept spitting out my thread at me. I am pretty sure it needs a new needle. But at this stage of the evening I think to myself, time to let it go until another day. I have had enough frustration from the week to last me.
Schools on a regular basis are the most frustrating, confusing, satisfying, and inspiring places to work. On most days I encounter something I didn’t know was possible. On the best days I am blown away by the little people that are in my life for such a short snapshot of their yet to be determined lives. Somehow I got wrapped into being the “advisor” for our “new” student newspaper…The GULLzette. Catchy, I know. Developing our name was our first order of business. But this afternoon, I spotted a 5th grade boy who at every opportunity between yesterday afternoon and today told me how excited he was to be working on the paper. He was sitting in the office at the end of the day with a pad and pen in hand. He had an appointment to interview the asst. principal…the kicker being that on the side of his hat he had TAPED a piece of paper on which he had written PRESS. This is my world, folks. Alternating with the homeless student who has to be removed physically by police officers from the van that transports him to school and the love sick 7th graders whose grades are dropping because they can’t take their eyes off each other and the crazy teacher who tells the principal that she is upset because I am “snubbing” her and the 4th grader who stared at me nodding his head, almost relieved, as I reprimanded some classmates who had laughed at a gay joke. It is tiring, fantastic and everyday when I walk into my office I feel like I have entered my second home. But the beautiful part being that at the end of the day-I leave to go HOME.
Tonight I was sitting on the couch, girls in bed, and truly vacating my brain of all the activity when little feet pattered on the floor above my head. Molly has a slide in her room that goes from her loft to the floor and there is this lovely sound that she makes when she slides down onto the floor. Steve and I often mimic it when we are lying in bed and she announces her arrival to a new day. Shhhhhhhttt-thump and down the stairs she came tonight. On most nights I scoot her back upstairs, protective of my couple hours before I am dragging myself to bed. But tonight when her little face peered at mine and she said, “me snuggle with you.” I couldn’t say no. And I am so glad I didn’t. It was a moment that defies any true definition. But I could only think of how fleeting this whole thing is and how so soon this baby-ness will only be truly brought to mind by looking at pictures. I was telling a pregnant friend today how sometimes I look at the girls and I can’t even really believe that I was ever pregnant….that they were EVER growing inside me. They have just gotten so big. They are moving away from me and towards who they are becoming. So I wrapped that little being into my arms, pulled her on top of me and we just lay there in silence for a few minutes until she asked me to take her to bed.
Good Night, Sugar Plum, I whispered…Good Night my Sugar Plum Momma, she whispered back.