Didn’t he remember days like these?

I had the worst day at work. But in the worst days, that is usually when we find the best in ourselves or others. Isn’t that right? One of our h.s. kids committed suicide Sunday afternoon. I came in this morning and found out during a meeting with my Principal. I cried. For the rest of the day we all worked together, cried, supported, listened, made plans, heard things we didn’t want to hear, envisioned things I hope I never have to see, and gave thanks for the beautiful things that exist in this world.
On my drive home today, I noticed for the first time that day that it was a beautiful day. Not just a beautiful day-a perfect day. The sky, the sun, the air… the Grateful Dead has a WHOLE channel on Sirius and I can’t get enough of it lately. So I called Pete. My brother was getting lost in Kansas City, but we were still able to shoot the shit about the Dead and other good things. I stopped at the Farm to get our beautiful vegetables. Broccoli, carrots, leeks, grapes, tomatoes, eggplants, butternut squash-these gorgeous, delicious vegetables. And then I went home. HOME. That beautiful place-where my kids were running around with Jack and Natalie while the dads put wood in the back of Jay’s truck. So peaceful and right. We ate pizza. I made cupcakes for Ella because 5 years ago that lovely bundle came into this world and she is going to celebrate with her class. Pink cupcakes. I snuggled my girls and am learning that Ella’s new friend needs to go to the doctor’s a lot and can’t use foam-y soap so could I please get non-foamy soap for the class so that her friend can use it too or just get her her own soap. And I sat with my husband, and laughed as he fumbled through wrapping a present for Ella, and snuggled with ice cream to watch a favorite t.v. show. Through all of this the thought of this young man and his anger and sadness sneaks into my thoughts. And I know they will be floating around for a while. BUT I feel so lucky to be, in the meantime, surrounded by so much beauty.

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5 thoughts on “Didn’t he remember days like these?

  1. Lori says:

    I am so sorry for you and your school family that you are going through this. Sorry for everyone that young man left behind. But I am really glad that you found some peace and beauty in the day, something restorative for YOU. Much love- we’ll call the birthday girl later….

  2. Barngirl says:

    Thanks to everyone for your care and concern for me and our time at LMS.
    We have a memorial service tomorrow. We are all still sad but life is good and we go on.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Today, I finally had a chance to sit for a while and get lost in the beautiful pictures and engaging prose that is your blog. You make it look so effortless.

    This post was particularly moving – what a beautiful reminder to appreciate what we have.

    It was good to see your family a couple of weeks ago.

    Sherry (of the tape people)

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